Around Father’s Day, it is tempting to speak about fathers in simple and sentimental ways. But for many people, fatherhood is more complicated than that. Some carry gratitude. Some carry grief. Some had loving fathers. Others experienced absence, fear, or disappointment. Some found “fathers” not through biology, but through mentors, teachers, pastors, sponsors, and older friends who helped shape their lives.
John Wesley believed deeply in the importance of family and spiritual formation, but what stands out to me most is that Wesley seemed less interested in authority and more interested in grace. He believed the atmosphere of a home mattered: not perfection, but presence; not domination, but compassion.
When I think about my own father, the first emotional tone that comes to mind is warmth mixed with seriousness. He taught me that learning matters throughout life, that kindness matters more than wealth or status, and that expectations should be accompanied by grace. I inherited from him creativity, humor, a love of singing, and curiosity about the world.
As I have grown older, I have realized fathers are not simply “Dad.” They are human beings carrying fears, limitations, hopes, and unfinishedness like everyone else. One of the deepest forms of tenderness I experienced growing up was steadiness: being present and not leaving when things became difficult. In a culture that often defines masculinity through control or toughness, I remain grateful for a model of fatherhood rooted more in compassion, playfulness, sacrifice, and kindness.
I also think often about the many who have “fathered” me throughout life—in congregations, mentors, and people in recovery communities whose wisdom still shapes me, even after some of them have died. Their influence remains part of who I am.
This Father’s Day, may we reflect honestly on the fathers and father figures who have shaped us—biological, spiritual, chosen, or remembered. May we carry forward the best parts of them: love, humor, wisdom, patience, sacrifice, and steadiness. And may we learn from their wounds and failures without repeating them, trusting that God is not done with any of us yet.
Grace and Peace,
Pastor M@